Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
