i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She needs sedatives and a leash
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
