I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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