I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
