Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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