i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
