Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
