So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
