Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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