Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
