Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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