:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
