Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
