I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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