i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
