Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
