I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
