I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
