Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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