That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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