my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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