how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
