I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
