no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
