Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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