My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
