I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
