here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
