his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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