legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
where are my eyebrows?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
