I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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