well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
whose ass print is on the piano?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
