I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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