I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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