you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
