Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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