Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
