If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
