I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
