Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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