Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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