She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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