She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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