I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
