is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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