I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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