I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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