i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
