he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
