Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
