Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
