It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
